


All The Good Things Are Not Yours

by LittleTayy



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Emotional Turmoil, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Missed Opportunities, Moving On, Romance, Unrequited Love, friendships, happy endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2019-05-19 13:41:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14874806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleTayy/pseuds/LittleTayy
Summary: Sometimes, you don't realise just how special someone is till they're gone. Other times, you find someone you didn't even realise you were looking for.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There's no real rhyme or reason as to why or how this idea came about honestly. Mostly I just thought it'd be interesting to see Kathryn happy with someone other then Chakotay but have it be someone they both knew. Hence, this story came about. 
> 
> Thank you to the lovely Caladenia for reading this over and beta-ing!

Chakotay knew it'd been bound to happen at some point. He just never expected it to be _him_ that she eventually moved on with. The sight of them together, while outwardly appearing friendly, sent a pang of discomfort through him. He knew them both far too well to be able to ignore the overly friendly touching she was doing to the other man’s chest and shoulder. And to the attentive and intense look the other man was giving her, the way his hand strayed to the curve of her back as they stood together talking.

It was taking everything in Chakotay to tear his eyes away from the startling scene unfolding before him. The Annual Starfleet Ball, the first Starfleet function the Senior staff had been invited too since their arrival home 10 months ago, was not the time nor the place to get into it with either of the people currently taking up his focus. He restrained from huffing as he forced his eyes away from the pair to look around the rest of the Senior Staff of Voyager, wondering about their reactions. None of them seemed even mildly surprised.

 _Huh_. Chakotay thought. This meant that Kathryn Janeway and Harrison Ayala’s association, he refused to acknowledge it as a relationship until he knew for sure, was not a recent thing. And somehow, that thought stung far worse than the idea that they were in fact together. With a sigh, he turned away from them and headed towards the bar, ordering himself a drink.

He was leaning against it, keeping his eyes away from the corner of the hall they were in, when he felt someone lean against the bar beside him. He barely had to glance to know it was B’Elanna, no doubt coming over to admonish him for acting like a loner. Turning to her, he couldn't quite decipher the look on her face as he took a drink; he had a feeling he'd be needing liquid courage about now.

“B’Elanna,” he acknowledged with a smile. “How’s Miral and Tom?” He asked casually, keeping his eyes focused behind the bar.

He could practically feel B’Elanna’s eye roll as she ordered a drink for herself. Still, he wasn't going to be having this conversation with her if he could help it. Things hadn't been the smoothest between them since they'd gotten home and he’d taken up with Seven. As a matter of fact, things hadn't been the smoothest with anyone since the revelation of his relationship with the ex-Borg. Kathryn had, surprisingly, been the only one to show any happiness or support towards them.

“They're great,” B’Elanna replied curtly. She turned fully towards him then, arms crossed as she regarded him. “Miral’s a little firecracker, not surprising. And Tom’s his usual, troublesome self. But that's not why I came over. Why are you over here, acting like a sour ass?” She questioned bluntly.

Chakotay snorted at her phrase, shaking his head. “I'm not acting like a sour anything B’Elanna. I just wanted a drink,” he told her, lifting his glass a little off the table.

“And I'm Kahless’ mother,” she barked out, shaking her head at her old friend. “You've been a grump all night! Ever since the Cap - Oh.” B’Elanna stopped speaking then, glancing at him curiously. “Is this about the Captain and Ayala?” She asked, voice dropping to a whisper.

“ _Is_ there a Captain and Ayala?”

“Kahless! You didn't know? We figured Janeway would've told you,” B’Elanna intoned, shaking her head at Chakotay. “Though they did say they wanted to keep it quiet for a while,” she continued almost as an afterthought, shrugging at her own words.

Chakotay snorted. “An official Starfleet function isn't exactly keeping it quiet,” he muttered almost bitterly. A strange look crossed B’Elanna’s face then and Chakotay straightened, staring at her intensely. “What B’El?” He asked impatiently.

B’Elanna sighed, glancing away from Chakotay to the Captain, then looking back at him again. “They've been...seeing each other for almost seven, eight months now. It must be serious,” B’Elanna explained softly, surprised to see the depth of emotion on her old friends face.

Chakotay felt like he’d been sucker punched. For eight months two of his supposedly _good friends_ had been dating and neither had felt it pertinent to let him know. In fact, it seemed like he was the last to know considering the complete and utter lack of shock he'd been presented with tonight. The painful feeling of betrayal seeped through him and suddenly he was angry.

How _dare_ Kathryn move on with Ayala? And how dare Ayala pick Kathryn to pursue when he knew how Chakotay felt about her? How dare they both find each other!

He downed his drink, ignoring the alarmed look on B’Elanna’s face. He straightened then, turning from the bar and setting his glaring gaze around the room. The anger bubbling up inside him was irrational, he knew this, even as he scanned the Ball for his former Captain and her new paramour.

“Chakotay!” B’Elanna began, a hand grasping his forearm. He wanted to shake her off but instead he ignored her, deciding it'd be easier. “Whatever you’re thinking about doing, don’t. They were both single and you gave up any claim to Kathryn when you started dating Seven!” The Klingon hissed, hand digging into his arm as she pulled him round to face her. “Leave them alone,” B’Elanna continued softly, shaking her head at her old friend. “You have no right to be angry.”

Her words made him stop, though his body was still coiled with tension. Chakotay didn't want to admit it but B’Elanna was right; he had no claim over Kathryn. He had started seeing Seven first and then continued dating her once they'd returned to the Alpha Quadrant. He really shouldn't be angry with his best friend for finding someone else, she had every right to do so.

But it was the fact that it was _Ayala_ that truly grated on his nerves. Ayala, who had undoubtedly been his best male friend for years, was the one sleeping with Kathryn; the woman he'd at one point loved. Not only were they apparently dating but it wasn't like Chakotay didn't see either of them either; he'd had a boys night out with Ayala only two weeks ago. He could've been told, should have been told, a long time ago and he couldn't help but wonder why neither had broached the subject.

“I know B’Elanna,” he sighed, attitude rolling off him in waves. “It’s just a shock!” He exclaimed quietly, suddenly aware of the fact that there quite a few people milling about around them. “I mean...when? How did that even happen?” He asked curiously, finally looking at B'Elanna properly.

“A shock?” B’Elanna scoffed, looking at him in disbelief. “You really haven't been paying attention to anyone but yourself and Seven have you?” She  
questioned. “It may not have been immediately obvious but we had our suspicions. The whole crew did. This isn't the first time they've attended something together. The first so openly sure. But the Christmas picnic a few months ago? They left together, Chakotay. The only reason Tom and I knew is because they had to declare the relationship to Starfleet. All that protocol because of different ranks; Owen mentioned it was nice to see Kathryn happy. Which, it _is_ by the way. Nice to see her happy. Those last few years on Voyager certainly weren't like that.”

Chakotay frowned as he listened to B’Elanna, annoyed at first before grudgingly accepting the truth of what she was saying. Since getting to the Alpha Quadrant he had been thoroughly wrapped up in his own life. He still counted Kathryn as his best friend, yet he'd managed to overlook something so obvious in her life that he was starting to doubt whether his best friend status was true. Not to mention B’Elanna’s words about Kathryn being happy. B’Elanna was right, the last year or two on Voyager were not happy for Kathryn, she’d lost that sparkle in her eyes and that special smile that she'd carried through those first few tumultuous years in the Delta Quadrant.

On Voyager, he himself hadn't been in the best place to help her either. Their friendship, as well as their Command relationship, had at times been too strained to offer help. But they'd been back on Earth, in the Alpha Quadrant, for almost a year now and he hadn't taken a moment before now to really see Kathryn anymore. Maybe if he'd taken his head out of his ass earlier, he'd have noticed the change in Kathryn and why.

But Chakotay didn't feel like admitting to his faults today. “What about Ayala’s wife? I doubt Dana’s too happy about him swanning around with his former Captain?” He asked with a huff, a challenging eyebrow raised in B’Elanna’s direction.

The look on B’Elanna’s face however, told him he'd said entirely the wrong thing. “She found someone else while we were in the Delta,” the Klingon told him sternly, shaking her head at her old friend. “They haven't been together since we got back. If you got your head out of your ass you'd have known that,” B’Elanna growled, slapping at his shoulder. “And you have the audacity to call yourself a friend to either of them,” she scoffed, taking a swallow of her drink.

Chakotay glared at her for a moment, letting her words sink in before crossing his arms defiantly. While it was true he'd been utterly absorbed with his own life, Kathryn and Ayala had both had plenty of chances over the past few months to tell him they were together. As he was about to remind B’Elanna. “They could've told me! I'm meant to be friends with them both but they kept quiet. Kathryn I can almost understand why she wouldn't tell me herself, but Ayala? He should've said something,” he insisted, the anger coming back just a little.

B’Elanna sighed, he did have a point. Chakotay wasn't the only that hadn't been particularly communicative; especially in this situation. She’d thought, up until tonight, that Chakotay had known about Kathryn and Ayala but clearly that wasn't the case. They should've told him, and it certainly shouldn't have been up to her to spill the beans. Suddenly, she felt awkward.

“Okay, you're right. They should have. But going off half-cocked right now, isn't going to change anything,” B’Elanna told him. She laughed then. “Surprisingly, I think you should let your anger settle before you talk to either of them. A big blowout fight here tonight? It'll be all over the Quadrant by morning and I know none of you want that,” She counseled, finishing her drink.

“When did you get so wise, B’Elanna?” Chakotay asked, in lieu of admitting what she'd said was right.

B’Elanna chuckled, simply shrugging her shoulders. “Maybe you just weren't paying attention,” she teased lightly. “I better get back to Tom. Before he gets too drunk and does something stupid.” And with that, she turned from him and headed back towards her table.

Chakotay watched her go for a moment, still lost in his feelings and thoughts. He ordered another drink, this time taking it slowly as he cast his eyes around the hall again. Unwittingly, his eyes fell on Kathryn, becoming mesmerised by the beautiful dress she wore and the smile gracing her features. She looked like a dream. That was of course, until he noticed the hand holding hers lightly and leading her onto the dance floor.

The dance floor was filled with couples but not so many as to make it crowded, affording Chakotay a perfect view. Ayala gently tugged her closer, a hand still holding hers as his arm slipped around her waist to hold her back. He watched as Kathryn slipped a hand up to rest on his shoulder, the other settling in his hand. The couple waltzed smoothly, bodies close together, chatting as they danced. Chakotay couldn't help noticing the soft, gentle smile Kathryn was giving Ayala; the same smile she had used to give to him. Ayala smirked, bending down to whisper in Kathryn’s ear, her husky laughter ringing out across the hall as she blushed.

It was in that moment that Chakotay realised he'd made a mistake.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here is the second chapter. I went back and forth on this quite a bit but this is the version I settled on. There's maybe two more chapters of this, then it's done. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy. :) LT.

An insistent chirping slowly woke Kathryn up from her sleep. She’d had a few glasses of non-syntheholic wine the night before at the Ball and she was most definitely feeling them today. She wasn't hung over by any means, but she rarely drank and the alcohol in her system was making her slower than usual.

“Are you expecting someone?” A gruff voice murmured against her ear, his strong arm sliding across her stomach to pull her close.

Kathryn smiled at the voice, and the arm, turning her head to the side to look at her lover. A year ago, back in the Delta Quadrant, she couldn't have pictured that this was the man she’d be waking up to on lazy Sunday mornings; but it wasn't a bad thing, she’d decided. Though he wasn’t the man she’d initially imagined sharing her life with when she got home, Harrison Ayala was no substitute. In fact, he'd very quickly proven to be the kind of man she wanted in her life.

On Voyager, she was almost embarrassed to admit, she had never before given much thought to the man. She’d known the basics; Chakotay’s right hand man, Maquis, adept at Tactics and Security and an all round good Officer that didn't get into much trouble. She’d noted he was attractive, of course; those early days in the Delta Quadrant she'd made it a point to be able to spot the Maquis at any given time. However, until they'd gotten back home, she hadn’t known much about Ayala as a man, as Harrison.

She’d learnt over time, that he was a devoted father. Any chance he could, Harrison was spending time with his sons, something Kathryn couldn't begrudge him. He’s spent seven years separated from them andthere was nothing wrong with making up for lost time. She’d also found he was rather funny, always dropping quick and witty one liners just out of earshot of anyone else. He was, to her surprise, a rather passionate and adventurous man beneath the stoic and silent Security officer she’d known on Voyager.

It had surprised her the first time they'd fallen into bed together; completely accidental and the result of a rather nasty debriefing and the impending emotional upheaval of his divorce. She’d barely been fully awake the next morning before she’d scampered off, throwing out the excuse of another debriefing over her shoulder. That hadn't been the only time she’d run off on him to a meeting or briefing or even to catch a transport but now, these days she also enjoyed spending her mornings in Harrison’s arms whenever they could.

Sunday mornings were usually their days for lay-ins, but that incessant chirping would not stop.

Kathryn groaned, pouting a little as she tried to ignore the sound. “Whoever it is can go away. I'm not getting up for anything less than a Borg Invasion,” she grumbled, sighing, even as she moved to untangle herself. Harrison chuckled at her words, leaning over to press a kiss against her collarbone before moving back to his side of the bed.

“Is that why you're getting out of bed and getting dressed?” He teased, a charming smile gracing his face.

Kathryn rolled her eyes, running her fingers through her hair, trying to tame it a little. “It could be an Admiral,” she insisted, even as they both laughed a little. An Admiral showing up on her doorstep the morning after the Annual Starfleet Ball was about as likely as a wormhole in the Delta Quadrant bringing them home.

“If it is an Admiral, there probably is a Borg Invasion. Besides, wouldn't a comcall work better?” Harrison quipped playfully.

“You know, you've got an awfully smart mouth this morning,” Kathryn teased, giving him a faux exasperated look. They both knew that she didn't really mind his comments all that much.

“I thought you liked my smart mouth,” he mumbled, smirking up at her as he shifted a little in their bed.

Kathryn rolled her eyes, choosing to ignore the comment as she moved towards her bedroom door. “I can't believe I'm getting a visitor before I've even had my first coffee,” she complained a little. “This better be damn important,” she told him with a decisive nod; then she was out the door and on her way downstairs.

The chirping had persisted, much to Kathryn’s annoyance. She’d been secretly hoping whoever was at her door would give up and go away before she got downstairs; she would much rather be climbing back into bed with her lover. But whoever was at her door had other plans and her annoyance at the morning interruption had her deciding she was going to give whoever it was a piece of her mind. Admiral be damned.

Getting to her door, she huffed as she unlocked it, pulling it open with a trademark glare. It took her a moment to distinguish who was on her doorstep, but when she did, her eyes widened, surprised to see the man. “Chakotay?” She questioned. The look on his face was peculiar and it had her going into Red Alert. “Is everything okay?” She asked, stepping into the doorway a little, body tensing in response.

“We need to talk, Kathryn,” he brushed off her question; though Kathryn could tell just by his stony expression that everything was not okay. “May I come in?”

His cold politeness unsettled her for a moment before she stepped back, opening the door wider. “Of course, come in,” she spoke, though her mind wandered up to Harrison in her bedroom. This was a potentially awkward situation just waiting to happen.

Something clicked for her then, about Chakotay’s sudden appearance on her doorstep. Last night she and Harrison had been particularly open about the obvious fact they were seeing each other; without any consideration to the fact they hadn't yet told Chakotay. Kathryn cursed herself for the blunder. Was it any wonder Chakotay had looked rather discontent the night before or that he’d shown up today? She should've known this was coming but she hadn't realised he would care so much.

Besides that, they hadn't really confirmed it to anyone from the crew besides Tom and B’Elanna; Owen Paris was an old gossip, honestly. But now that she thought about it, the news should've filtered down through the crew; she had no doubt Tom and B’Elanna would've told Harry and who knows who Harry would've told. She'd just assumed Chakotay would've found out by now. Clearly she’d been wrong and she now had a situation to handle with her former First Officer.

“To what do I owe this unexpected visit to?” She asked rather casually, arms folding across her chest. While she knew she had some explaining to do, his attitude so far had her being cautious; he wasn't at all presenting as particularly friendly this morning.

A hand went up to tug at his ear and Kathryn sighed internally. He was probably about as uncomfortable with this almost confrontation as she was. It made her feel better, her body relaxing just the slightest.

“I…found out something interesting last night,” he began and Kathryn sighed. So he was here about her and Ayala, just as she'd first thought. She met his eyes, curious to see what he was feeling, surprised a little by the anger she could see just below the surface.

“Did you?” An eyebrow rose in his direction, wondering just how he was going to approach this. God, she hoped Harrison didn't decide to see where she was.

“Yes,” he nodded, taking a breath before speaking again. “About you. And Ayala…Are you two seeing each other?” He asked softly, the anger she was expecting not present in his words. She'd expected accusations, not whatever this was; it confused her.

“Chakotay,” she started, not breaking eye contact. She wasn't quite sure where to start, she’d been preparing herself for anger. She’d expected she’d have to defend herself and her relationship. “Yes. We’ve been seeing each other for...quite some months now. I'm...sorry we didn't tell you,” she explained, hands gesticulating nervously as she spoke.

Of everything, that sparked his anger, she could tell and Kathryn cringed. “I'm supposed to be your best friend. How could you not have told me you were dating someone? And Ayala! Of all people. I had to find out from B’Elanna,” Chakotay hissed, the frustration and anger rising.

“We didn't tell anyone specifically,” Kathryn shot back, determined to keep her cool. As much as she despised it, she knew Chakotay had a right to feel a little angry. After all, two of his friends had gotten together and not told him. Not to mention their own dubious relationship on Voyager. “But we never actually tried to hide it either. Surely last night wasn't the first time you noticed how close we are?” She questioned, wondering genuinely if he'd had suspicions before now.

“Is that meant to make me feel better? The fact you two didn't try to hide it?” He scoffed, shaking his head. “I just don't understand why you didn't tell me?” He continued, eyes searching hers.

This time it was Kathryn’s turn to scoff, suddenly agitated with the man in front of her. He may have had a right to be angry but that didn't give him the right to show up inher home and question her like this.

“I didn't think you'd care that much,” She told him coldly, matching his angry gaze with a stony look. “By the end of our journey we weren't that close. That distance has kept since we got home,” she continued icily. “How's Seven? She seemed very interested to know if Harrison and I were together last time we spoke,” She asked cuttingly, even as she knew it was a childish thing to do. She had never admitted it to anyone, but his relationship with Seven had hurt her deeply and there was no doubt in her mind that Seven was part of the reason there was such distance between them now.

She watched as his face changed, a minute expression crossing his features before his mask of anger slammed back into place. Letting on that even Seven seemed to suspect about her relationship but hadn't said anything was cruel, even for her. But there was a small part of her that was satisfied with the knowledge she’d managed to throw the man, however infinitesimally.

“You really are a bitch sometimes,” he spat out then, frustration bubbling over now. Kathryn knew he was right, it was a little known fact that she could be a straight up bitch when she truly wanted to be. But it still stung to hear Chakotay of all people, say the words. Her features must have betrayed her true feelings as Chakotay continued, her chin rising in defiance and anger now. “I wonder how Ayala manages it. You're hardly a cakewalk as a friend, being your lover must be insufferable,” he bit out, leaving Kathryn seething.

Kathryn glared at her former First Officer, arms crossing tightly against her chest, back straightening even further. She was pissed, furious even at Chakotay’s audacity to come into her home and say those things about her. Just because they may be true, didn't mean it didn't hurt to hear him of all people say them. Chakotay had been her best friend, her closest confidant for seven years; he was still one of the few people that knew her better than anyone. Him saying those things hurt a part of her soul more than she would ever tell anyone.

“Is this what you came here for?” She questioned furiously. “To insult me and call me names? What a good fucking friend you are,” she spat out, hands balling into fists to keep them from trembling. “You should leave now Chakotay. You're not welcome,” she hissed, pointing towards the door as she turned to move across the room. She didn't even want to see him out, afraid she might spew nasty vitriol at him if they remained in each other’s presence for too much longer.

“Goddamnit, you're infuriating! I came here to tell you I love you Kathryn!” His words seemed to tumble out, fast paced and full of emotion. That made her stop.

Kathryn heard his words and her eyes widened in shock and alarm. She turned slowly to look at him, not quite sure she had heard the man right. There was no possible way that after all this time Chakotay had finally confessed his feelings towards her in the middle of an argument and with another man upstairs in her bed. It just couldn't be happening! But just one look at Chakotay’s face and Kathryn knew he was serious; she was speechless. The pair stared at each other for a moment, neither speaking as they both processed the confession that had just been made.

The tension was broken by a third, unmistakable voice, clearly unimpressed. “What? You've got to be fucking kidding me.” 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm genuinely not sure if this chapter is good or not. But I needed to finish this fic, it's been in my head forever. There may or may not be a little epilogue at some point. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.

The deep, dark bruise he was sporting around his left eye was causing far too many curious stares for Harrison Ayala’s liking. He was a man that liked to keep under the radar and keep his personal life off it completely. The bruise drew attention but he was too stubborn to make a visit to the Doctor and get it taken care of.

Not to mention, he knew without a doubt the doctor would question what had happened. And Ayala didn't particularly feel like explaining to the EMH that he'd gotten into a fist fight with his former friend and superior officer. It was a juicy piece of gossip that Harrison knew would spread like wildfire amongst the former Voyager crew. Gossip that he knew with certainty Kathryn would not appreciate.

_Kathryn._

He hadn't seen or spoken to her since Sunday when she'd kicked both he and Chakotay out of her house. In the moment, he'd been angry but he also knew she’d been right to do it. They'd behaved appallingly and Harrison had sent her a video message that very same afternoon to apologise. He'd not expected an answer but the simple _thank you_ he'd received in return gave him hope. It at least meant she wasn't preparing to hold a grudge.

Still, in the eight or so months they’d been together, he’d learnt quite a lot about Kathryn Janeway and he knew her anger needed time to settle. Which was why he’d given her the time to cool off but even so he was still a little nervous about approaching her again. While they hadn’t technically fought, he knew she’d been outright livid at his actions, and he could admit at least to himself that he wasn’t quite sure where they stood.

But it was Wednesday now, he’d given her space and it was time to face the music.

He sent her a quick, short text message asking if he could see her that night. It surprised him when he got a reply only half an hour later; Kathryn tended to be busy, she was an Admiral after all and usually left personal messages till the afternoon. The fact she was replying so quickly worried him a little and he hated the small sliver of doubt that crept into his mind.

Harrison didn’t want to think it, he was secure in his relationship with Kathryn but after Chakotay’s confession to her on Sunday; he knew things could change dramatically. It was no secret on Voyager that the Captain and the Commander had had chemistry, the amount of rumors that had circulated about the two of them in seven years were too numerous to count. But that ship had sailed, as they’d all realised when Chakotay had begun dating Seven of Nine.

With a sigh, he straightened out his uniform, having just come from Starfleet Headquarters and knocked on Kathryn’s door. It took a moment for her to come to the door, a moment in which Harrison had the sudden, uncharacteristic urge to fidget. He kept his hands firmly by his side however, clenched in anxiousness over the conversation to come.

The door opened then to reveal Kathryn and he exhaled slowly. “Harrison,” Kathryn greeted, a small tight smile on her lips. He couldn’t quite read her expression, though she definitely didn’t look as furious as she had on Sunday which he had to assume was a good. Though he still didn’t know what that meant for their relationship.

She opened the door wider, gesturing him inside and Harrison obediently stepped through the doorway, letting her close it behind him before waiting for her to lead. He had been to her home many times over the last few months but in this situation, he didn’t think it’d be appropriate for him to just walk through her house. Not when he wasn’t sure what the state of their relationship was anymore.

He followed her through the house now, frowning as he noticed her tense posture and the unease in her gait. The more physical they had become, the more attuned to her moods and body he had become. That still didn’t help him determine just what she might say now that they were about to talk.

“I wanted to apologise again. For Sunday, Kate. It was completely out of line, I know that,” Harrison started after a moment.

They were sitting now, a hot cup of coffee being cradled in her hands and a glass of water sitting untouched in front of him. He felt almost fidgety, wanting to take a sip of the water, delay the coming conversation. But that wasn’t Harrison, he faced his difficult situations head on, he always had.

“It absolutely _was_ out of line,” Kathryn started, tone disapproving. “I can’t believe the two of you fought like that,” she huffed and Harrison sighed, shifting a little in his seat.

“I know,” he agreed, nodding as his eyes met hers. He took a breath, deciding that if they were going to have this conversation, he was going to be honest with her about his feelings. Not that he wasn’t honest with her about them to begin with but now was not the time to hold back he decided. “It was...inexcusable to act out in violence but it was a shock. For the both of us to hear,” Harrison tried to explain.

Though he had the sudden feeling it wasn’t starting off well if the look on Kathryn’s face was any indication. “That’s not an excuse, obviously. I’m not usually an aggressive person Kate, I think you know me well enough to know that by now. It’s just...Chakotay was _pushing_ while I was right there, telling you his feelings, telling you _your_ feelings. It wasn’t okay but neither was us fighting,” Harrison told her, hands encircling the water, holding the glass though not moving to pick it up and drink from him.

His eyes stayed resolutely on Kathryn watching her as she digested his words. He knew there was a good chance she may not choose him and the very thought made his heart tighten. He and Kathryn had been seriously pursuing a relationship for almost 8 months now and while it was serious, they’d yet to say such sentimental words as Chakotay had said on Sunday. Harrison couldn’t help but think that may be a deciding factor for the woman.

Harrison watched Kathryn for a moment, as she digested the words. He could see her thinking them over, analysing them as he waited. She sighed and his anxiety rocketed up a little more, but he was careful not to show it. It wasn’t that he was _against_ showing his emotions but he didn’t think his anxiety of this conversation would help anything.

“I know you’re sorry and I appreciate you saying it,” Kathryn started, though she sighed. She pressed a hand to her lips, the other circled around her mug of coffee. He had a feeling she wanted to drink it as much as he wanted to drink his glass of water. “Chakotay’s confession was a surprise. There’s always been a connection and chemistry between us. He was my best friend and my confidant in the Delta. There was always something more between us but it was never acted on, nothing ever came to fruition,” Kathryn told him wistfully.

But then her eyes focused on his and she reached a hand out to touch his, he moved his hand to take hers, giving it a little squeeze. “At one point, Chakotay admitting his feelings for me, would have pleased me. I thought once we got home, Chakotay and I…” she trailed off, giving him a little smile. “But we didn’t and I’m okay with that. I realised that any feelings I had for Chakotay, had faded from romantic a long time ago,” she told him and Harrison couldn’t help the small smile that spread across his lips.

“I can’t deny that I’m not pleased to hear that, honestly,” Harrison admitted to her, shuffling in his chair, leaning a little closer. This all sounded like it was positive for Harrison and while he didn’t want to make assumptions about where this was going, he felt this was the right time to let her know his feelings. “I was a little worried, I always knew there was history there for you and Chakotay. I thought, maybe, you still had feelings for him and would choose him,” Harrison continued, shaking his head a little. “I don’t want you to think I’m only saying this because of everything that’s happened. But, I’d like you to know, that I love you Kate.”

There was silence then, as they both took in the words and let them digest. Harrison held his breath a moment, before exhaling slowly as his eyes kept on Kathryn. She looked surprised for a moment before a familiar, almost delighted smile grew on her features. The smile relaxed Harrison and he shuffled a little closer to his lover.

“You do?” Kathryn murmured, the smile still on her lips. Her eyes met his and Harrison watched, curious what she would do or say now. He didn’t expect for her to say it back, though he hoped she did. Even after all these months, it was still hard for him at times to know what she was thinking unless she told him. However, it was a two way street and Harrison knew he was hardly an open book either. Which was why he’d decided to let her know exactly how he felt.

“I do,” he told her, nodding at her.

Kathryn smiled, leaning forward to press a kiss to his lips. It was a happy kiss, one of reassurance and promise and Harrison grinned into it. Once they pulled apart, the grin stayed on his face, hands resting just above her knees.

“I’m not quite there yet,” Kathryn told him softly then and the words really didn’t surprise Ayala at all. He was okay with that though. “I am very fond of you though, Harrison and while I can’t say that back just yet, know that I will. My feelings for you are very strong,” she told him with a smirk, a hand moving up to rest against his chest.

“That’s okay. For now, it’s enough.”


End file.
